This is interesting to write, because it’s supposed to be about You, Jesus. And I keep going off on side quests looking for the thing that creates the most conviction, the things I don’t understand about how You ask people in Your Kingdom to live, the things that keep the focus on me and my love for You. But I want to go “further up, further in” (C.S. Lewis) to see You in all of this. Your love. Your life. Your character.
The place where I stopped typing out your words from Matthew today was at the end of the “loving your enemies” part. “If You love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?…If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that.”
And a slightly earlier section on seeking justice and retribution: “But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too. If a soldier demands you carry his gear for a mile, carry it two miles. Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow.”
And the thread continues back to the first part of Matthew 5. (You know this is dicey ground for me, Lord…I’ve heard so many sermons explaining the Beatitudes and if I’m honest it just hasn’t become fully clear to me yet…I’m full of lots of other peoples’ ideas about the “Blessed are the….” bits. Please, Helper, help me to understand this section. Because Jesus said it, so I want to get it.) You refer to those who hunger and thirst for justice, and those who are merciful, and those who work for peace.
You don’t tell anyone to do anything You haven’t done Yourself. But when You tell me that loving my enemies means being kind to them, and that I shouldn’t resist an evil person, all sorts of stop signs and caveats pop up in my head. “Sure, but we’re also supposed to be wise as serpents.”…“But a trait of a maturing believer is discernment.”…“Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for someone is tell them no.”… “What looks like helping can often just be hurting.”… “I’m on team Tough Love.” My impulses are for protection; they’re guarded, even stingy. But if those all quiet down, and I just look at what you said in the light of the fact that You only tell us to do something if it’s how You did/do it, there’s a shift.
I was Your enemy. Every human being was Your enemy before You saved them. You have a lot of experience in loving Your enemies. In going above and beyond when it comes to generous impulses towards people who don’t love You. Even after we’re saved, and we stumble in sin, or shake a fist at You, or demand things of You. Let’s be real: Even after You’ve saved me and called me Your friend, and I keep testing Your love for me, and pushing, pushing, pushing the boundaries to see if Your grace really is greater than my sin. When I nurture bitterness against Your Bride, the Church, because I’m lonely and want to blame someone. When I keep asking You for a husband, and fuss and fume when You don’t give me one. When You graciously give me a sweet nugget of insight into Your Word one day that is so intensely satisfying, and then I don’t read it for a week, because I’m busy chasing gas-station food for my soul because it’s cheap and easy. You just. Keep. Giving. Me. New. Mercies. More shirts off your back, plus a cloak to go with each one. The number of miles I’ve demanded You carry all my stuff is staggering. Literally, how many times You haven’t just struck me down like Ananias & Sapphira when I shake my fist at You because of some pain or injustice and You just turn your other cheek to me, like when a toddler strikes out in a fit while his guardian holds him loving to their heart through the fury.
Your first impulse, Your “gut reaction” I think I could say, towards me/us, both towards Your friends (believers) and enemies (unbelievers/those who don’t love you), is kindness. Maybe it’s weird to say it, but You are such a noble man. So honorable. So deeply, genuinely good. And gentle. And kind.
I think that’s where I will land today. Today’s lovely gem for my treasure box: The nobility of my Savior. You are full of integrity (You can sincerely tell me to do as You said AND do, because those are in harmony for You), and You are unyieldingly generous in Your impulses/thoguhts towards me.
-Joanna
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