Today’s Saturday Spotlight is
Jessica Southward
As school has been wrapping up for my big kids, people have been asking that favorite end-of-school year question: “What are your plans for summer?” And I have caught myself thinking and even saying to people I have no filter with, “You know, nothing huge, just hoping no one in my family ends up in the hospital this summer.”
That may sound dramatic, but our last two summers have been a little on the intense and dramatic side. 2 summers ago my husband was in a major car wreck and suffered 16 broken bones, and had a couple surgeries to repair what his body couldn’t heal on it’s own. Then last year our 2 year old daughter caught salmonella from someone with a mild infection (I didn’t even know salmonella could be a person to person transfer). She got herself and I a fancy little first class flight on a packed and hot helicopter to Madera Children’s Hospital. These events: were traumatizing for our whole family- so we needed whole family healing afterward; expensive- our finances are still trying to recover; and left some lasting scars- in both physical and mental ways. Generally people aren’t hoping to spend a summer doing any of those things. But when I think about those seasons I also know that they were wonderfully blessed in so many ways-I can scarcely put into words how good God was to us even in the scariest most face-pressed-to-the-dust moments.
When I said, “Hoping no one goes to the hospital” comment, I felt like truly, that’s a very modest thing to hope for, a very contented thing. Summer’s gonna be good whatever happens as long as my family stays safe. Isn’t that the core of every mama’s desire? But this Sunday the Lord whispered to my heart a thought that has grown and taken over my modest answer and turned it into much richer aspirations….
This Sunday we sang in church a song called Your Will Be Done, and the last chorus goes:
“As we go forth, our God and Father�Lead us daily in the fight�That all the world might see Your glory�And Your Name be lifted high
�And in this Name we overcome�For You shall see us safely home�Now as your church�We lift our voice and pray�Father, not my will but Yours be done”
While I think my longing is still a good longing, and I know the Lord hears it and cares- something in me has shifted and as I think back on our hospital trips I know for certain that I would never undo those moments for our family if I could. I felt like we were on the front lines of an unseen war and had amazing views of how our role is simply to stand firm and let the Lord do battle for us. We got to see the church in all her beauty wrap us so tenderly in her love. When people told me the devil was surely after us, I wasn’t afraid, but could see with clear eyes that God was actively working out victory in us. In dark moments and places we got to be light and share the gospel with a lot of people who were also hurting. My kids wrestled with big questions and feelings and became more solid in their faith. And I got to move on from all the “why” questions that used to plague me through many trials and step into the gentle knowing that He is good, He sees me, and I am called to just take the next faithful step. The peace I have lived in post-drama-summers has been so much deeper than mere physical safety.
So, what are my summer plans? My summer plans look like walking in His will and trusting His ways. And if my worst nightmares jump to life again, it will still be a good summer because He is good and has goodness stored for me. My summer looks like peace in His purposes, like just taking the next step in faith toward a faithful Father, like deeply knowing He’s already solved the biggest problem my soul has ever carried. My summer looks like little ducks in a row as I echo Paul’s call in 1Corinthians 11:1 to “follow me as I follow Christ” -may my children see that I lead them how He leads me and learn to take His hand over mine. My summer even looks like embracing whatever calm and quiet He might have for me, not looking wild-eyed for the next threat and trauma, trusting He protects me from whatever next thing I may not see coming and trusting also in His spoken desire for rest for me. My summer looks quite simple, but feels entirely profound as I sing and live out, “Father not my will, but Yours be done.”
-Jessica
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