Today’s Saturday Spotlight is
Joanna Kreiger
Lord, I’m tired. I don’t want to face one more echo or repercussion of an old hurt. I used to think of “the body keeps a score” as though it would only have to keep the score for one or two—maybe three, tops—“big” things in my life. But the longer I’m here on earth, the more things are going to happen, and start happening on top of the old things. New anniversaries on the heels—or just smack on top of—old anniversaries. Piling higher and higher. Wave after wave. Yes, there’s heaven one day, but phew! Day after day. Relentless.
From where I sit, that’s a bleak prospect. Like a stormy-night-midwinter-on-the-moors-in-a-Bronte-novel bleak.
Or…
Brace for impact.
A metaphor doth arise.
Maybe, it’s more like compositing.
What if my life is a compost heap.
Go with me on this.
It’s still grubby.
Not gorgeous at first glance.
But more purposeful. Even more purposeful than a gripping gothic novel (sorry Charlotte & Anne…not sorry Emily).
Body-memory event after body-memory event, layering on top of each other.
The stuff at the top is fresh and stinking.
(Oh my stars, the mind steams with possibilities with this metaphor.)
Ok, so, the top is fresh, raw, usually-still-recognizable-as-what-it-originally-was bits & pieces. That’s the newest “thing”: today’s medical appointment; yesterday’s crushing argument; last week’s glorious morning in the Word; last month’s epic failure to fight temptation…again.
The stuff at the bottom of the pile is closer to full decomposition. It more closely resembles soil, and is most useable in my garden right now. Those are the wounds that have seen the most healing, the healthiest healing, from the inside out. Those are the things that you are allowing the Lord to use in the lives of the people around you. Where you’ve submitted to His sweet, severe providence and mercy, and been changed.
And all the layers in between are still there, too, in their various stages of…firmness. (What is that…a banana peel?…or a carrot peel?…or some other peel?…what else did I peel that week?…). These middling middles are ones we’re very happy to not see all the time. Because they’re gross. They’re slimy. Sure, are the becoming like they’re supposed to? Hopefully. Would we like them to stay in a dark corner and never come out to play? Yes. They aren’t at the forefront of your mind every day, but man oh man, when they come back to mind, they come back HARD. Eye-stingingly, nauseatingly hard.
EVERY layer is something that made a lasting impression on me emotionally, spiritually, and, ergo, physically as well. The composting process is like sanctification. And the goal is to become like Jesus “soil”: not trash to be wasted or just “gotten through alive,” but instead nourishing to my own soul. AND to the Body of Christ (which is like a garden, no? All vegetable matter, but a staggering number of varieties with specific beauty and purpose unique unto themselves, which contribute to the whole breath-taking big picture of the whole. Boom. Body of Christ).
And then maybe, just when I think I have all my layers nicely organized in their proper order, the Lord gets to work with His holy shovel and mixes it all around. Turning over the compost heap, like my granny used to do. So now today’s binge eating guilt is cheek-by-jowl with that thing that happened 2 decades ago that the enemy still likes to hound me with at 1:43am. My friend’s unrelenting grief is weeping into my own grief layer that I thought was completely dirt-i-fied, but turns out was just coffee grounds. But I can’t find that hideous lie from the pits of hell that I believed as a little girl – that one that said, yes, Joanna, you are a gift from God…but you’re a burdensome gift – why can’t I find any pieces resembling that? Because that lie is now unrecognizable. It’s been changed into the life-giving truth embodied in the very name the Lord has my parents give me…that I am a gracious gift from God. Which is useful soil I can share with my fellow plant friends in the Body, when they are courageous enough to share that they feel like a burden to the people around them. Here friend. Here’s some composted comfort. Here’s some Jesus soil to add to your own compost heap.
Wait! Yes! AND Jesus really gives us good stuff to put into our compost heap to help turn it into the good dirt! According to His divine power, we have everything we need for life & godliness…and composting. The Holy Spirit. His Word. Fellow believers. Access to the throne of grace. These are the oxygen, heat, earth worms, and good bacteria that aid us every step of the way.
Ok, even I might be a little done with my own metaphor and analogies now. 🙂 But Lord, please use this imagery to help me and me process the the events that my body is keeping score of…because it’s really racking up some hits and I’m overwhelmed trying to somehow keep up with processing them fully before the next one shows up. I want to continue to make these connections with composting, crises, and Christ.
Hmmmm. I think this is going to be a very interesting mix.
-Joanna
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