Our Saturday Soight today is Sarah Costales
What is God doing in my life right now…
I’ve never really had to think too hard about this question. It’s always been easy for me to pinpoint the seasons I’ve been in and just where God is in that moment. As someone who was raised in a pastors home and have been saved all my life, hard things have come and gone, but I never felt like God wasn’t with me. Like God wasn’t orchestrating all of the pieces and giving me exactly what I needed at just the right time. BUT this season is different. It’s a season of letting go, which didn’t feel to me at all like God was there. I didn’t feel He was giving me the desires of my heart, and if I’m being honest, letting go and letting God do His thing this time, would be one of the hardest things I had ever done.
As I type this with tears in my eyes I think back over the years about our middle son, Noah. Oh that boy. I guess he’s not really a boy anymore at almost 20 years old, but he’s still MY boy. He’s been a challenge at times. Usually the one to push the envelope, defy gravity, (that kid was always climbing on the roof!) and at times authority. He’s a joke teller, a great dancer and doesn’t know a stranger. He’s a lot like my dad. Who I lost almost 20 years ago. I like to say the Lord gave me a little bit of my dad back when he gave us Noah Michael.
Watching Noah change and grow through the years I’ve seen him overcome and I’ve seen him give up. Sometimes as a parent you can only pray and encourage them to keep going, but the choice is ultimately theirs.
Noah graduated high school on time, and had a few odd jobs here and there, but nothing really stuck as something he loved. Then one day he found it. A higher calling, to be the “one percent.” The Air Force. To say I wasn’t thrilled was an understatement. I always knew Noah loved being a part of a team, but the military? And you WANT to go? And LEAVE us? I just didn’t understand. Now, I’m inwardly starting to panic. My husband on the other hand thought it was a good career move for Noah given the occupation the military had chosen for him. I admit it was a great opportunity, but not my baby!!
Leading up his ship date I’ve been supportive. But still definitely played devils advocate up until he signed that dotted line. I was so worried he’d get in there and hate it and he’d be stuck. I knew his personality and obeying orders wasn’t always his strong suit. I blame that on me. Free thinking is what I’m known for and apparently he’d plucked that trait right out of the gene pool!
It all happened pretty quickly in my eyes, a few trips to the recruiter, a decent ASVAB score (of course he didn’t study lol) and then before I knew it I was watching my only son leave in a van escorted by a farewell motorcade. How did this happen?? God why would you allow him to leave like this? As any mom can probably relate for the last 24 years my kids have been my world and it’s been so hard to let them fly. They have been my identity ( I’m working on that) and my responsibility since what I feel like was the beginning of time. And now he was gone. And I was left asking God just how He was going to carry me through this one…
A few weeks after he’d shipped the Lord gave me a brief dream. I won’t go into details, but God revealed to me the reason why He’s allowed this to happen. Noah needed to go and this was Gods plan for him. I woke up with an “ohhhh” feeling like, duh! Ok, now I get it. This is Gods plan! And I need to rest in that. Rest isn’t something that comes easy to me. I’m a doer and worrier by nature. Also, something I’m working on.
In the Christian faith we dedicate our babies back to the Lord. I had no idea standing in-front of that church so many years ago with our little family huddled together praying that the Lord would have His divine way in Noah’s life would look like this. Letting go of my son that really belongs to God. God created Noah for such a time as this. And loves him far more than me or his Dad ever could. He has a plan and a destiny for Him. Noah is building his testimony and I need to be ok with that and know He’s being held every step of the way, just like I know the Lord has held me my entire life! How could I get in the way of that? I can’t. And I so I just pray. I pray at 3 AM. I pray when I drive. In the shower. I pray Noah is covered in the precious blood that was shed for him. This is the part of Noah’s testimony and I need to be ok with where the Lord takes him.
He’s been in boot camp for 5 weeks now and we get to see him graduate in just a few weeks! So far in his letters he’s wrote that he’s going to church and the services remind him of church camp! He and a few of his buddies have started a Bible study in the bunk house there and he’s proved himself worthy of the title “Elemental Leader.” He will be leading his flight on graduation day. Wow! Has God just shown up for Noah or what?! Noah got to call us last week and said he’s looking to graduate with honors if he can shave a little more time off his scores. Praying the Lord gives him the strength to accomplish his goals.
I’ve mentally had to step back and rededicate my son to the Lord (again) and in that, God has shown me he’s been there this whole time, in this season for us letting go, and for Noah taking this leap into his next chapter in life. He’s never left us, nor has He forsaken us. He never will. If you think about it pray for our son Noah and the journey ahead. We’re so proud of him and the choice he’s made. And thank God for the covering and blessing he has on Noah’s life.
Deuteronomy 31:6
6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
-Sarah
Leave a Reply